When You’re Being Pushed, Push Forward—and Find the Big Dipper
From Hiding to Guiding: Following My Own North Star
Some days, I feel like I’m just floating in space.
Other days, I’m the Big Dipper.
There’s something about that song that just clicks with me. It’s gentle but steady. Like someone whispering, “You’re lost, but not for long.” And lately, that’s exactly the kind of whisper I’ve needed.
Growing up, I was constantly being pushed—
Pushed to behave. Pushed to blend in. Pushed to shut up, smile, and sit straight.
So, I became really good at hiding.
At masking.
At looking like I had it all together.
(I didn’t.)
And it worked.
Until it didn’t.
I started forgetting basic things.
Like how to sequence my day. How to take a proper shower.
How to finish a sentence without spiraling in 10 directions.
Executive dysfunction wasn’t cute.
It wasn’t funny.
It was paralyzing.
And then… paresthesia.
That word still rattles in my head.
A stroke scare.
My whole left side went numb—my arm, my mouth, my tongue.
My brain slowed down. Everything slowed down.
And for a few terrifying hours, I couldn’t tell if I was still me.
I laid there thinking, “Is this the cost of keeping up appearances? Of pushing past my limits for years?”
Because here’s the thing:
Masking is a full-time job.
And burnout?
Burnout doesn’t send an invite. It just shows up. Unforgiving and unannounced.
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I used to think I needed fixing.
That I was broken.
But what if… I was just misread?
What if I wasn’t scattered—just starry-brained?
What if my spirals weren’t weakness—just constellations forming mid-chaos?
That’s when I heard Vulfpeck’s Big Dipper, and something clicked.
“When you’re being pushed, just push on forward…”
I closed my eyes and let those lyrics hold me.
They didn’t shout at me to get better.
They didn’t ask me to move faster.
They just said—you’re here. keep going.
Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s messy. Even if no one gets it but you.
These days, I’m learning to follow my own North Star.
Not the one society picked.
Not the one my past pointed to.
Mine.
Wobbly, gentle, fierce—mine.
I’m done being pushed into boxes.
I’m not here to perform neatness or hustle for worth.
I’m here to guide.
Because when you’ve been hidden most of your life,
and then you start to find yourself—
you don’t just shine.
You show others the way.
Like the Big Dipper.
If you’ve ever felt like you were falling apart in silence, this one’s for you.
If you’re finally ready to follow your own star, I see you.
We rise differently. We shine differently.
But we still rise.
And that’s what matters.